At the hospital

Dear Burk,
I'm sitting in a chair in your room. Today is much harder than days past. You have been awake since I got here two hours ago. You are visibly upset and keep trying to get out of bed. You pull at your restraints and kick your broken (but splinted) legs off the bed. It has to hurt but you do it anyway because you want out. The nurse said you are very confused. I still don't think you understand you're at a hospital. Which makes me wonder what you think is going on. Terrifying to think about.
Mom left when i came. Thankfully. The nurse commented "your mom looks really upset". And well she should be. It's much harder to see you awake like this. You keep mouthing "help" and pull on your restraints. It's impossible to explain how horrifying it is to see. I can't even joke my way through it.
The nurses had to change your sheets while I was here. You're sweating a lot today. When they rolled you on your side you started to cough. Then you turned purple. The look in your eyes....I should have left while they did it. It's the first time I cried while being here. I wish more than anything I could just fix it. Make it all go away. You wish that too I'm sure.
I asked if you knew who I was. You nodded yes. Then you clearly mouthed "lindsay". I'm not sure what i expected but it actually made me feel worse because in your mind you're probably thinking your sister should be helping you. If you didn't know me then I'm just another stupid person who won't set you free. But you know who i am. Good and bad.
I pray this "phase" is over soon. You are by far one of the strongest people I know. Again, good and bad.
Here's to a better tomorrow. Please.