Sunday. Day 10

Dear Burk,
Dad went to see you yesterday morning.  The more you wake up, the more "non-compliant" you are.  Part of that I think is your personality, but part of that is your head injury.  The nurse said it's very normal for the type of injury you had.
I came to see you yesterday (Saturday) afternoon.  As soon as I walked in your eyes lit up and you said "Am I going home with you?"  Um.  Not on your life.  I've already got 3 kids to take care of.  :)
"No, when you leave the hospital you're going home with mom and dad".
"But they already left" you said.
"They'll be back.  I promise."
Then I asked if you knew where you were.  You kept saying you were at the Pawn Shop and you were trapped.  I asked what the hell kind of pawn shops you've been going to.  You just looked at me.
You know who we all are.  You remember names.  you remember past events.  It's your short term memory that seems to be not working right now.  We'll tell you something, and a few minutes later you've forgotten.  That is the reason they have to keep you tied down.  Because you continue to get confused.  And you just want those tubes out of your nose.
I told you the one tube in your nose is to feed you.  And the other tube is how they give you pain meds.  I told you if you pulled those out, you'd die.  "Do you want to die?"  I asked.  You shook your head no.
Now that the breathing tube is out, it's much easier to lip read what you're trying to say.  Although sometimes I don't get it and you get really frustrated.  I told you I was sorry but I didn't go to lip reading school.  You rolled your eyes at me.
I told you about your accident.  How you got hit head on by a car.  You just shrugged.  Like it was no big deal.  You asked where it happened.  Then you asked if the driver was drunk.  I laughed.  "Uh, nope, you were."  For some reason, you seemed surprised by that answer.  I have no explanation for that.
You asked if the driver was okay.  Driver's okay.  His car, however was not.
I told you about all your injuries.  And said if you try to get out of bed, you'll fall to the ground because both your legs are broken.  Again, you shrugged.  No big deal.  You can walk on broken legs.
You are "badass" after all so what was I thinking.
Your nurse came in the room.  She answered some questions about your trach.  You can't see it because they have the neck brace on still (so you can't thrash your head around).  There is oxygen flowing through it but only 40%.  It looks like your neck is steaming.  You are no longer on a breathing machine.  It's up to you to stay alive now.
I apologized to the nurse for you being difficult.  Earlier in the day you managed to rip your feeding tube out of the wall and the food that looks like mustard was running all over your back.  I still have no idea how you did that with your arms tied down.  Probably yanked your head so far forward it ripped out.
Lucky for you, your nurse is very patient.  At that point, I would have tied down your legs and used the sheet for your body again.  She just kept your hands tied.
You repeatedly asked me to "free" you.  And were pretty mad when I wouldn't.
At one point you did ask how long you had been in the hospital so there are moments where you understand where you are.  But they are short and far apart.
I showed you pictures of my kids.  Then I showed you pictures of yourself right after the accident.  You looked pretty shocked.  I told you about stuff that's been going on at home.  I also told you about Kathy's death.  You seemed really surprised and upset by that.  Then you mouthed "That really sucks".  You asked a lot of questions about her and her family.
A few hours after I had been there, your nurse (who had either been in and out of your room or sitting right by the window of your room) asked if the two of us were close.  I kind of laughed not sure how to answer that question.  Then I asked her why she asked.  She said you were really calm while I was there and behaving much better.  I told her I had that affect on people.  I was kidding and thankfully she laughed.
Then I said:  "I'm a mom of 3 little kids.  And he's kind of acting like a 3 year old.  I know how to do 3 year olds.  He keeps asking for the same thing over and over even if he knows I won't do it.  When I say "no" he throws a little tantrum.  He won't hold still.  He's irritable.  He only thinks of himself.  He wants to be somewhere other than where he is.  He's blatantly disobedient and doesn't seem to care.  He thinks he can do anything.  He won't stay in his bed.  And he keeps saying "Why, why, why".  All you need for that is mountains of patience and the distraction technique."
Whenever you asked for something I couldn't do, I acknowledged that I heard you and then I changed the subject.  Worked like a charm.  And I didn't get frustrated when you kept asking.  Cause that's what my kids do all.day.long.  Told you I can do 3 year olds.
I did ask the nurse if I could untie your right arm and just hold the strings to make sure you didn't do anything.  She said you were too strong and too fast.  I told you it was your own fault for having "cat like reflexes", something you've bragged about in the past.  :)
I'm not sure what's keeping you in the ICU anymore.  I thought maybe today they'd move you to a regular room.  Problem is, when they move you to a regular room, you have to have a "sitter".  A hospital employee has to sit in your room 24 hours a day.  In the ICU the nurses only have 2 patients.  And when your nurse isn't in her other patients room, she sits by the window of yours and watches you all the time.  When you move to a regular floor, nurses have 5 or 6 patients and only come in your room when you need something.  So you'll get a "sitter".  I feel for whoever has to do that.  I can tell you now they don't get paid enough.